5 Ways to Save Money (Just Stop Feeding Yourself)

Money is importante. Especially now that we have a republican government that will work to keep private industries private and halt the de-privatization of industries that were heading that direction. You’ll need moolah for those days both life and government will overlap in being very unkind. Like a painful menage a tois. FYI, this is probably not a time where you should be stimulating the economy, for your own sake.

There a number of things that can save you money while hopefully not crushing your spirits too much with the weight of trepidation of days to come. And most of them have to do with food.

In these days of trendy food, Instagram-worthy plates, and clinical stress-eating it’s really hard to stay on the up and up as a foodie and also keep your wallet padded. As a dirty social media foodie, I understand. But! There are actually several ways you can save money while enjoying those hearts flying to your feed.

  1. Home. Made. Food. This is an old money-saving tactic, but it’s been heavily updated by the number of hashtags for homemade food that now exist, probably in response to the millennial lack of financial stability. #HomemadeAF, #YesChef, #StrugglePlate. Not to mention the most Instagrammable homemade foods are fortunately usually a little heavy on the prep but pretty light on the technique: smoothie/acai bowls, noodles, poke, milkshakes, cookie dough (you don’t even need to bake it and show the world how you burn literally everything. Magical. Also there’s always this recipe that I’ve been promising I’d try for oh, about 6 years now.)

    Image result

  2. Split those likes. There are some treats that really have no business being purchased more than once per friend group. Part of the appeal of restaurant food in fact is their promised consistency. The raindrop cake, for example, is a very exact recipe that’s easily recreatable and also wasn’t really epically delicious enough to justify spending money on multiple times. The creampuffs from Bibble and Sip fare way better in the flavor department but if you’re just #EatingfortheGram, just buying one of each flavor and maneuvering them around the plate so that everyone gets a shot should suffice.

    Image result for puppies sharing food

  3. Booze yourself at home. Let’s face it. A lot of the dinner bill goes towards that friend who knows you’ll help pay for her 2 margaritas, 1 long island iced tea, and those shots of tequila and Jameson you said no to but shared anyway because she would have had them herself anyway and carrying a vomit cannon home was not what you had in mind for a night out. For the record, the only thing on your tab was a white russian, and you had to Venmo her everything else so that she’d have money for rent and you did take those shots.

    Oh, you’re that friend?
    Well. This could have all been avoided had you just bought a bottle of really anything and drank the crap out of it after dinner but before stumbling off to the club.

  4. Stop with the processed snacks. I too, enjoy bagged chips and Oreos. I am currently eating Cool Ranch Doritos, peanut M&Ms, and a can of Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice Cocktail that my boyfriend brought me from his company’s shelves of free snacks for lunch. Seriously, I get it. But most of you need to buy your processed goodies and it’s costing you. Especially if you are fond of artisan processed goodies which are expensive and somewhat even less necessary than the plebian ones.

    If you’re trying to save money, those are an easy cut while likely improving your diet at the same time. A few dollars that would have gone to your after-work snack of a 20 oz bottle of Coca-Cola and a whole bag of Lays can now go to that thing you’re saving up for, or to the easing of your crippling debts. It’s small, but it adds up.

    Image result for puppies cheetos

    Which brings me to:

  5. Did you know that millennials spend more on coffee than they do on retirement? My boyfriend read that article and then proceeded to tell like 7 different people over the course of the next day. He told our broker when we were looking at apartments twice within an hour. Also, it’s a flawed statement at best.

    Still, coffee is very tasty and gives many people a nice boost in the mornings and the evenings (when I like drinking it) which is all fine and dandy. But hark! Are you exchanging hard-earned Bucks for Stars? Are you Dunkin your wallet first thing in the morning? Is your green getting shoved into Blue Bottles? Maybe your bank account looks like it went through La Colombe-ine?? (#Tasteless/#Tasty, you decide.) then you should probably invest in a coffee contraption. A French or aeropress or a coffee filter stuffed into a wide-mouthed cup would all work fine.

    And if you’re one of those people who find it difficult to do things before coffee, you should honestly think about weaning yourself off, not least because it’s expensive, but just for your own health. Especially if you’re a WOC. The stuff definitely isn’t on your side when it comes to osteoporosis.

    Image result for puppy coffee

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